i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
