i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
