I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
