not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
