I just threw up on my dentist
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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