yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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