I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
