He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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