I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize