I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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