I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
