Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
