honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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