belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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