would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize