Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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