My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
