The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
