How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
