apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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