babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
