i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Found the puke drawer
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
