she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
