I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
