You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
