I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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