Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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