she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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