I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize