I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
