I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
