Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
