stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
