thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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