Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
