K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize