Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
