Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
