I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
