I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
