if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
