remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Randomize