oh god the rape fog is back!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you had me at cake vodka
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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