I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
