Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
