Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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