Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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