i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
