He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The feeling are messing with the penis
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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