He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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