Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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