I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
