I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
