Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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