someone get that fucking seahorse.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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