Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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