I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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