wakey wakey hands off snakey
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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