Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I need moral support for this bender
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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