so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
